People voting in voting booths

Two things that I think we desperately need in this country are mandatory comprehension tests for critical thinking skills and United States civics. I don't think you should be able to graduate high school unless you know how to fucking think, and I don't think you should be able to vote unless you know what the hell it is you're doing (Pro Tip: It's not just electing the person you like the most. This isn't high school, and you're not voting for Homecoming Queen.)

But we can't do any of this because we are too worried about harming the fragile psyches of our children. We can't allow them to have a single moment of failure during childhood because if that happens, it's only a matter of time before your child turns into Sodom and Gomorrah on all fours, blowing Shriners for cash on An example: A classmate of mine in 8th grade, a kid named Herbie. (Yes, Herbie.)

We were in class on the last day of Junior High, and Herbie, who sat behind me, said aloud, "Hey! I got a D!" I turned around to say something, assuming he was unhappy at this discovery, but he was laughing. "Wow! A D!" That's when I noticed his report card in front of him was all F's, and the solitary, celebrated D.

"Holy shit, Herbie, did you fail 8th grade?"

"Read it and weep! Social Promotion, baby!"

Social promotion was the term they used when they passed students that they absolutely did not want to teach any more. "Failing a grade would harm students' self-esteem," was the reasoning, which didn't take into account the fact that turning kids loose into the real world with essentially no education wasn't exactly going to have them feeling super-groovy about themselves.

4 people raising their left arms, and four women with lab coats and clipboards are smelling their armpits.
In retrospect, Trudy realized that grades are important and silently thanked the Good Lord that her grades were just good enough to avoid the Ass Sniffing Plant.

So we're not terribly serious about educating our children. If we were, we'd teach them a thing or two about Critical Thinking Skills, namely:

An election cannot be called fraudulent unless there is honest-to-God proof of significant fraud that might alter the results of the tabulation.

A few points about what does not constitute proof:

  • Not liking the outcome does not constitute proof.
  • Your asshole cousin saying it on Facebook does not constitute proof.
  • Wild claims by the person that stands to benefit from them does not constitute proof.
  • An over the hill, delusional, alcholic lawyer claiming Venezuelan laser beams originating from the rings of Saturn caused unemployed milkmen to descend on voting centers and replace valid votes with Graham crackers with the word "libs" on them does not constitute proof.

Seriously, it's like a quarter of the country suddenly turned into toddlers and threw a giant fucking tantrum. And, having thrown a tantrum, then blamed it on the dog.

Mail-in voting did it.

A postal container filled with mail-in-voting envelopes, and a couple of hands reaching in to grab some of them.
Bad mail-in voting! Go to your room!

This is bullshit, and if you have a hard time understanding why we shouldn't heed some uneducated dumbfuck's wild claims, then I'd like to invite you to emigrate to North Korea to see how that kind of shit plays out.

Part of the problem is that half of the people in the US don't really understand how the government works and believe that the President has God-like powers over the rest of us. This has only one benefit: It allows us to mercilessly slam our President for shit he had nothing to do with.

For instance, this happens to every single president, approximately six seconds after taking power:

"In other news, soybean prices in lower Transylvania dropped a thousandth of a cent..."

"Arrrggghhh! This President SUCKS!"

That's quality entertainment, and I'm not suggesting we stop blaming the guy (or gal) in charge. But it would be nice if we all had some sort of idea how the government works. Specifically, we need to stop believing these commonly held, incorrect beliefs about the Federal Government:

  • Congress' purpose is to propose and vote on legislation while performing specified oversight duties. It does not exist solely to showcase despicable human beings. (Seriously, Congress is fucking NUTBALL. I think the only requirement for running is that you fail an IQ test.)
  • The Senate does not exist to support Mitch McConnell's jowls, as resource-intensive as that job may be.
During mating season, Mitch McConnell inflates his jowls and enables authoritarianism to attract a mate.
  • There is no government agency dedicated to selling children into sexual servitude from a pizza joint in New Jersey. (It's in Arkansas.)
  • The above bullet-point will likely make its way into the next GOP convention non-sarcastically and sans the negation, so let's put it another way: Fantastical statements made with zero accompanying proof are bullshit, and should be relegated to Fairy Tales and FOX News broadcasts.
  • The NHTSA (National Highway Transportation and Saftey Administration) is not staffed by dwarves. (You'd be surprised how often this comes up.)
  • The 2020 General Election was NOT rigged.
  • There is NO proof the 2020 General Election was rigged.
  • An orange, lying, racist claiming to have won the 2020 General Election in an attempt to avoid prosecution for serious crimes is NOT the most reliable of sources.

The thing that really scares me is the thought that people aren't really this stupid, and have instead decided to go into full-blown Fuck You Mode. Stupidity can be alleviated via education. There is no known cure for Asshole.

Page statistics of no interest to anyone, including myself

  • Favorite word to type: super-groovy
  • Best sentence: "During mating season, Mitch McConnell inflates his jowls and enables authoritarianism to attract a mate."
  • Person I imagine has served in Congress: Herbie
  • Percentage of NHTSA personnel who are old-school, Tolkienesque dwarves: 16%